The Book in 3 Sentences

  1. Deep personal change occurs from the fundamental paradigms and principles from which attitudes and behaviors stem.
  2. There must be a balance in producing results and maintaining that ability to keep producing (P/PC balance)
  3. Growth is a function of mastering oneself and applying that internal stability to have a positive effect in the lives of others.

How the Book Changed Me

How my life / behaviour / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of reading the book.

Books as such are definitely pushing me away from the type of attitude that Robert Greene vouches for in his book, making me think more in ‘Win/Win’ terms as Covey would put it. With all the guided meditation I’ve been doing, I’ve been learning more to control my responses to circumstances, better realizing that I can only control what I do. To be completely honest, I can’t speak for the results this early into the process, but I can say for sure that it’s getting further ingrained into my brain. When the circumstances require it, I remember the concepts of Quadrant II activities, Emotional Bank Account, paradigms etc more often. Also, whenever I feel left out or down or unmotivated, I remember that I’m working on the principles that my being is centered on. I’m not hinged on external circumstances like friends anymore.

Top Quotes

“Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now… Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer.” Phillips Brooks

To deal only with the superficial trivia without seeing the deeper, more tender issues is to trample on the sacred ground of another’s heart.

Change—real change—comes from the inside out. It doesn’t come from hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior with quick fix personality ethic techniques. It comes from striking at the root—the fabric of our thought, the fundamental, essential paradigms, which give definition to our character and create the lens through which we see the world.

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier—not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.” Emerson

Summary + Notes

Private Victory

Paradigm: How one sees, interprets, and understands the world

Happiness: Fuit of desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually

Effectiveness: Function of Production and Capacity to Produce (P/PC Balance)

Interdependence: Realizing one’s self-worth while empowering and being empowered by others

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” Albert Einstein

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Habit 1: Be Proactive

  • Everyone has the freedom to choose between stimulus and response
  • Being proactive is making value-driven choices
  • Things that are within one’s control are in the Circle of Influence while events outside of one’s control are in the Circle of Concern
  • Proactive people focus efforts on the Circle of Influence
  • Actions can be chosen but consequences are in the Circle of Concern

past mistakes are also out there in the Circle of Concern. We can’t recall them, we can’t undo them, we can’t control the consequences that came as a result.

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

  • Clearly visualize the end and use it as a frame of reference when evaluating behaviors and actions
  • Everything has a mental and physical creation and accepting responsibility for both broadens the Circle of Influence
  • Effectiveness depends on effort and whether that effort is supporting the right paradigms
  • 2 human endowments enable proactivity and personal leadership
    • Imagination: visualization of potential
    • Conscience: understanding universal laws and own talents

be responsible for my own first creation, to rescript myself so that the paradigms from which my behavior and attitude flow are congruent with my deepest values and in harmony with correct principles.

  • Success is having mastery and victory over the self
  • Use imagination and creativity to write scripts that are more effective and congruent with values, and the principles that give meaning to those values
  • Personal Mission Statement
    • Constitution for making decisions in midst of circumstances and emotions that affect life
    • Start with center of Circle of Influence

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  • Center yourself on principles, not on other people or circumstances (friends, church, family)

    • Do things because they align with personal values and empower you

    you don’t have to wait for circumstances or other people to create perspective-expanding experiences. You can consciously create your own.

  • Goals focus on results (where you want to be) rather than the activity

Habit 3: Put First Things First

  • Integrity
    • Value placed on ourselves
    • Keeping commitments
    • Self honor

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  • Independent Will
    • Power to do things when you don’t want to
    • Being a function of values rather than momentary impulses

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  • Quadrant II
    • Heart of personal management
    • Self-discipline alone cannot help one stay in it
    • Priorities grow out of principle center and is deeply planted in mind and heart
  • Tie goals into a wider framework of principles and personal mission statement

Public Victory

Paradigms of Interdependence

  • Self-mastery and self-discipline precede maintaining good relationships with others

  • Emotional Bank Account

    • Deposits
      • Courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping commitments
      • Understanding others
      • Attending to little things
      • Clarifying expectations
      • Personal Integrity (conforming reality to our words)
    • Disrespect, overreacting, betrayal will deplete reserves → less trust
    • Building and repairing relationships are long-term investments

    people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake.

Habit 4: Think Win

  • Abundance Mentality
    • Plenty for everyone
    • One person’s success isn’t at the expense of someone’s else
  • Reaching no deal is liberating - no expectations and commitments
  • Character is the foundation
    • Integrity
    • Maturity (balance between courage and consideration)
    • Abundance
  • 5 Explicit Elements
    • Desired Results
    • Guidelines and Parameters
    • Resources
    • Accountability
    • Consequences

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Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood

  • Empathetic Listening
    • Based on openness and trust
    • Fully understand the person intellectually and emotionally
    • Don’t project own autobiography and interpretations, but get into their frame of reference

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  • Unsatisfied needs motivated people, the greatest of which is the need to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated
  • People unravel their problems naturally when given the chance to open up
  • Present ideas in context of a deep understanding of others’ paradigms and concerns - increases personal credibility

Habit 6: Synergize

  • The whole is greater than the parts

parties involved will gain more insight, and that the excitement of that mutual learning and insight will create a momentum toward more and more insights, learnings, and growth.

  • Expressing genuinely will allow more people to relate and promotes a safer environment for them to express themselves → creative empathy
  • People see the world as they are, not as the world is
  • Recognize perceptual limitations through humility and reverence, and interact with the hearts and minds of others
  • There’s always a synergistic 3rd alternative; seek it with a Win/Win mentality

Renewal

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

  • Renewal: Principle and process that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth, change, and continuous improvement
  • We are the only instrument with which to deal with life - investing in oneself is the greatest investment
  • Physical, Spiritual, Mental, and Social/Emotional - Quadrant II activities
  • Spiritual renewal is visualizing and settling inner conflicts “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.” David O. McKay
  • Mental renewal is continually expanding and honing the mind
  • You can only communicate your point of view once you can explain someone’s else POV as well as they can
  • Making an impact in others’ lives and having meaningful, exciting projects are key to a fulfilling life
  • Reflect to others the unseen potential they have, see them in an enriching light
  • Financial independence is having the ability to produce wealth