If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking
By Emily Dickinson_
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain_
I wasn’t expecting to have a deep conversation about life on my way back home from SFO after a weekend in LA. My Afghani Uber driver was particularly determined to make it in America, notably in the expensive hellhole that is the Bay Area. Despite our age difference, he stumped me with a plea for advice as we approached my driveway: “As a well-educated person, what advice can you offer me?”
I was taken aback, not being used to being deferred to for wisdom. After a brief pause I let out, “All of my happiest moments have been with people. " I suggested holding dearly to the people we love, the ones who stick with you despite the ups and downs of life and offer their authentic presence whenever the chance arises.
I first felt pulled towards this attitude when I visited Bangladesh in 2021, witnessing viscerally what unconditional love was. I returned home with a renewed source of purpose. I wanted to direct my work towards serving those closest to me and volunteer my attention to them whenever necessary. In the ensuing months, it didn’t matter how many uncomfortable early mornings I had, tireless afternoons I spent hustling away, and evenings I brooded over my pains in my own solitary company. I rested well in the knowledge that a large piece of my heart was on the other side of the globe and was well taken care of. In those long moments of intense struggle, I was building upon love.
Having been transformed by that visit to my birthplace, I returned to my home relationships with a fondness I hadn’t come in touch with before. In my best friends from high school, I saw all the dramas and lunch-time banters that bonded us for life. In my uncles, aunts, and grandmas, I found warmth in all the memories of dinner parties that I previously found burdensome to attend. Returning to college, I gleamed upon an empathy that drove me to engage thoroughly in conversations to uncover how others cultivated and sought out their relationships,
In the past year, I awakened a dormant authenticity through a handful of insights and uncomfortable practices that pushed me to confront the recesses of my personality. It was through Cort Worthington’s classes - Negotiations, Improvisational Leader, and Leadership and Personal Development - that I tapped into some crucial interpersonal skills I lacked in the past. Robert Greene’s Laws of Human Nature gave me the wisdom and courage to look inwards, confront my demons, and channel them outwards toward positive and creative outcomes.
The contours of my social life have since shifted dramatically. I am part of a solid community of people grouped together by a technical subject which in fact disguises the unexplainable chemistry that a random mix of souls can bring about in the presence of one another. Where I simply switched between my apartment, classrooms, and the library, I am now greeted by random texts from people who want to spend time with me. We engage in lively discussions about the likes of pursuing fulfilling jobs and making it through our classes or simply bury ourselves in work in each others’ quiet company. I discovered deep friendships in the most unexpected people and a lighthearted attitude I never thought I could persistently harbor.
Being around more people has illustrated to me that I really value emotional connection. There’s an unmatched joy in watching others smile and be positively impacted by my presence in their lives. The storm of my insecurities resolve to a calmness when I connect with that genuine desire to be of service to others.
As I spoke earnestly to my graduating high school class a few years ago, community is the antidote to a downtrodden heart.